Intro: With the rise and fall of our, once powerful economy, we can deliver new ways of saving money by bringing a budget in. The budget will not please everyone, but changes must be made in hard times.
Thesis: Education and Medical is affected directly and indirectly because of the cuts. We can see this with the cuts in student education quality changes and the medical dilemma some are in.
I. Medical patients are losing even more than their lives.
a. Some will lose patient housing
b. Medical services will end for some
c. Families already suffering from financial problems will have to take on more respocibility
II. Education is suffocating and needs space to breathe
a. students are turned away
b. tuition hits deeper pockets
c. classroom sizes create less quality
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Avoid the "we" reference. It makes too many assumptions about your audience's membership in the "we." Your thesis (and even the introduction) tends to contradict itself because it attempts to get everything in! Instead, take a stand on one side or the other in your thesis.
ReplyDeleteAs for the idea, what will make this evocative and revelatory? Why will your readers care?